My boys and I play this game called Choc-o-laht in which you stand in front of them, squish their cheeks gently between your hands and say “CHOC-O-LAAAAHT”….(which is from this Latin American kids song we heard on TV). Bouts of laughter inevitably follow. Lucas especially loves it. At first the game was between Kiel and the boys, then last week Lucas did it to me, and I about melted in his sweet little hands. He says “Choc-o-co-co” instead, which just makes it all the more wonderful. It’s feels akin to I love you and I adore you all rolled into one. I have always hoped we would make new words between us, and though not a new word, it is re-purposed for the ultimate gesture of unconditional love. How Delightful.
Happy Birthday Grandpa October 7, 2008
Today is my Grandpa Anderson’s birthday. This year he will be 80 years young. This is his story through my eyes.
Several years ago I found a picture of Grandpa when he was in the service. He was a dashing young man, with an engaging smile. I carried that photo with me for many years, and it is one of the pictures I see in my head when I think of him. Even, now, I can still see traces of that young man in him-especially in his smile. My son David shares his Great-Grandpa’s middle name: Russell. The common meaning is red-haired, but my prefered definition is charmer. Grandpa certainly has charmed this girl’s heart.
My Grandpa is not a boisterous man, he does not talk loud, or long, and he is not prone to lectures or long treatises on any subject. He has stories that he will tell if asked, though generally, I think of him as a quiet observant man. His laugh is hearty. I know him to be a paitent man. He enjoys cards, and cribbage and coffee at the local hot spot where he can catch-up with friends. He is a man that takes pride in his work, whether it is mowing the lawn or washing the car, and I recall how diligently he and grandma would get up every morning at 6am and go to work. I never heard either one complain about the early hour. He is a good dancer, enjoys golfing and camping and volunteers with Grandma at a number of different organizations. These are things anyone might know about him. What makes him special to me is the kind of man he is.
First, he is a man of integrity. During the summers I spent with my grandparents, I watched him go every day to visit his cousin Alice at the neighboring residential home, just to brighten her day. Some days he might bring a new magazine or book, but mostly it was just to talk. Years later, when Alice had difficulty walking on her own, he would take her arm and help her down the hall and back. This small act brought not just a change of scene for her, but also a little dignity to her life. He always had a smile for Alice, even when he was tired or had other things on his mind. Later, his mother was also at that same home, and I know he did the same for her. One of my grandparents always went to visit if they were in town. Occasionally, they would ask me to go-and admittedly, as a kid, I wasn’t always excited by this. It seemed more natural for my Grandma to go-she was a nurse, and as a young girl, it seemed to me, that women just did that sort of thing as a matter of course. Witnessing my Grandpa’s daily visits was a testament to me that there are good men out there-ones that understand that sometimes you do things not because you want to, but because it’s the right thing to do-and you don’t complain along the way. It’s been one of the things I’ve always admired about him, and one of the things that makes him my hero.
Constant, is another word that comes to mind when I think of my Grandpa. I’ve always known him to be a hard worker. Even after retirement, he would go out and help harvest corn, showing up some of the young guns with his efficiency. Grandpa showed me that life isn’t just about work though. He taught me how to fish when I was five or six, and he helped me oil up and fit my first baseball glove. He would play catch with me, let me scramble the front yard trees, and never once told me that I was more like a boy than a girl. He has always been my champion, be it at an auction for a silly black plastic cow, (fronting me money when I ran out), or at my graduations, or after the birth of my children. He has been there quietly loving me, saying “I’m proud of you.” I adore him for this, his constancy in my life, his big hugs, and the tears he has shed when we have to say good-bye again.
The day I will say a final good-bye will be heart wrenching for me. I can’t say that I’m his favorite, (mostly because cousin Laura might come beat me up), but in my heart, I am. He is certainly mine, owning just a bit more real estate than everyone else; I think in large part, because he was the first man that loved me for me, no matter what I did, or how I behaved, or the mistakes I made. He has loved me through it all, and I am so blessed to have had thirty-five years with him. I hope for many more.
I love you endlessly Grandpa, Happy Birthday!
The Note May 20, 2008
There are two separate topics for blogs running around my head, but I can’t help putting those off in favor of someone else’s words tonight. They are just too rich and yummy to keep all to myself. My lovely Kiel thought of me when he found this tasty morsel. Oh, to re-live the days of giddy delight and anticipation of New Love’s sweetness, with letter O’s mysteriously shape-shifting into hearts, and Post Scripts detailing the most important message in the world. Young love. Infatuation. Heartsickness. Whatever you call it, and however embarrassing it might be to you now, it is a sweet thing to recall.
THE NOTE
Set-up: Yellow Steno note paper, uneven tear at the top, dated and timed (which cracked me up), recipient name in large passable cursive across the whole top line, the body electric, in neat print, signed in cursive with a heart after her name….all names will be omitted to protect the innocent, spelling is all hers, and my text will be parenthesized.
5/7/08
4:27 pm
SL
My love has grown for you
over the past 2 weeks. I’m
deeply dedicated to you now. I’m
going to love you until the
day I die, no matter what happens.
Now I realize that your much
more than a friend. We were
destined to be together from day 1, and we
both know that were soul mates [smiley face].
One day I {am going to} WILL marry you. [smiley face]
(am going to is crossed out and replaced with a very dark “will”)
I LOVE YOU !
P.S.
That day in the practice room,
when we first kissed…I knew
we were going to be together
for a very long time [heart]
-B [heart]
We should all write one of these to our favorite honey and remind them that age, wrinkles, babies, and time, cannot extinguish that ardent desire we once had. C’mon, you know you’ve still got it in you.
Catching Up March 26, 2008
whew! It’s been a long two weeks. Lots of work for my paying job, and prepping for a class I taught on ‘writing in the Nursing profession’ to some high school students yesterday. Of course, I went overboard and blabbed on for an hour instead of my allotted 30 minutes. That’s what you get when you give a smart woman (at home with two kids all day) an audience. Fortunately for me, the class is taught by a friend of Kiel’s so he was very cordial about my enthusiasm and lack of oral censorship.
Been thinking lately how it’s nice to be home with these boys. Lucas is at that age when everyday brings something new. He stands longer or “gets” something we’ve been trying to teach him, or tries something new. It’s a pretty exciting time. David is turning more towards philosophy it seems and comes up with some good reasoning now and then. Mostly it’s about how he’s bigger/faster/stronger than his brother, but he always adds a caveat: “but someday he’ll catch up to me…someday” like he’s hoping that maybe it wont come true.
I really believe that Lucas will handily overpower David in a few years. He really has this brutish force about him at times. Of course it’s all done with a smile, so it’s hard to not champion his little feats as a mother, but for both their sakes, I have started to scold Lucas when he doesn’t play nice. I think this appeals to D’s sense of fair play and it’s important for him to know that his brother will have to tow the line just like he does.
We’ve also laid laminate and started on trim work in our bedroom in the last two weeks. It went as fast as we could have hoped for given two kids in tow. It looks great, and now we are on to painting the rest of the doors, casings and trim. Starting to look at flooring for downstairs and I am daunted by the idea of tiling and have been trying to find a way out of doing that, but it seems my glimmer of hope that came in a new “loose lay” vinyl may not pan out, because I can’t really find anything I like. I dread tile. The dust, the noise, the “what are we doing/you aren’t doing that right/don’t talk to me like I’m crazy” conversations that go along with home projects newly attempted.
Kiel and I have worked out our roles in these things fairly well; which means we pretty much know where not to go with each other when patience runs thin. Every once in awhile though, we’ve got to make up for things said. The worst was our block retaining wall in the back yard. Two months of digging, stacking, backfilling, replacing, seeding, etc. There were several times that we had it out and neither of us was willing to concede defeat. It was bad. Then came the rain, flooding rain, and we joined forces in a last big effort on the few rainless days, to get it done. When you have a 4×20 dirt wall being supported by plywood and 2×4′s and the rain doesn’t end-you find an inner reserve to forgive and forge on. We laugh about it now, and the yard looks great, but we both know that wall tested our relationship on several levels. Live and learn right? We have I guess as this last project went off without a hint of ‘tone’ or condescension. Tile though, may cause us to backslide…still looking for a way out. Which probably means that I leave for a few days. I know, I know, put the control freak to bed chelsea…it’s ok, really it is.
Mamalicous March 4, 2008
I am a goddess of all things domestic. (If you stay at home with kiddos, repeat that over and over until you can say it without laughing.)
Today I washed 5 loads of laundry, folded all of them, and got 2 put away. I did the dishes, swept the floor, found homes for everything under my bed and moved 8 boxes of laminate up the stairs and under the bed to “acclimate”. I played 4 games of Chutes and Ladders with David, made three meals, changed four diapers, got two boys dressed, eventually got myself dressed and my teeth brushed, but alas, no shower today. I moved the large dresser and all it’s contents into the boys room temporarily while we lay the new flooring in our room next week. I answered three personal emails, 5 work emails, made 2 work phone calls, and placed one order for medical supplies. I helped David pick up his train set and work on writing “1″ correctly. I made several trips up and down the hall with Lucas as he practiced walking, tickled both boys on various occassions for 5-10 minutes, and spent time working on hand-eye coordination with Lucas. During lunch, I listened as David discussed how “Obama was going to beat Texas, but Clinton was going to beat Ohio.” I gently reminded him that Texas and Ohio were not actually people-but he didn’t seem to get it. I owe his dad for that bit of laughter today. Later, I found the receipt for our newly broken camera, taped it to the camera box, and then checked our bank statements and took out all the garbage in the house. After dinner, I backpacked Lucas for 30 minutes while David walked with me around the church and new condo’s, then we checked the mail–returning 2 Netflix dvd’s (which I had previously reported disc problems with). I then gave the boys their baths, brushed both sets of teeth-or supervised-read 3 stories, prayed and put them to bed.
Then I had my Skinny Cow fudgepop.
After my chocorama fix, I watched TV for 20 minutes before making a pass for more laundry. I flipped between The Royal Family and Girlicious for brain veg fair. Girlicious eventually won out as watching some of the girls dance badly was more entertaining than Prince Charles in military uniform. Now, to be fair, Tyra would not call me fierce when it comes to being a domestic goddess, as it would almost be impossible for me to work out, shower, and get hair and make-up on during this kind of day. That would be fierce. I can deal; it’s only my pride and BO on the line. I am constantly humbled in this profession.
My real confession here is that my house is still not clean, I feel guilty for not reading to both boys more today, and though I did give/get a few real kisses in with Kiel, that will probably be all the action he sees tonight. Being a domestic goddess isn’t all it’s cracked up to be-don’t let any stay at home mom fleece you on that one. Showering and real sleep are luxuries that are all too fleeting. Little things like yummy hand soap and good coffee make all the difference on any given day…but, hearing David wax poetic about the upcoming democratic primaries and making Lucas laugh as I kiss his belly do make it all worth it. I may never make fierce, but I’d settle for Mamalicious every once in awhile. Hmmmm, I guess that means I better get off this blog and do some sit-ups. Man, there’s always something. Oh, I’ll do them to TMZ: one, there’s Brit, two, Brit again, three, Reese, four, Gyllenspoon, five, Tiger, six…
On Romance February 14, 2008
The other night as I climbed into bed after yet another 5am baby feeding I thought to myself, this is the best thing: to be able to spend a lifetime of nights curled up next to the someone you love most in the world. How does love get any better than that?
For a few days now, I’ve been thinking about how romance changes for people over the years. When I was first being charmed by the boys in highschool, romance was often the simple thrilling act of kissing for half an hour after a hockey game at the Sullivan Arena. It’s dark outside alcoves particularly lent itself to this activity, as did the fact that we were still waiting for our parents to take us home. These furtive wet kisses in the freezing air induced many pulse quickening moments which were further savored when recounted to our best friends.
Later as I got older, romance became less flirtatious and more subtle in it’s impact. Making dinner with a paramour and accidentally having their arm brush yours, or stolen glances across a crowded room took on much more signifigance to the maturing heart. Time alone with someone was the romantic moment desired the most. What would be said, would we find a soul mate, would there be a spark, or would it end as just friends…all these questions would play out beforehand and add to the excitement of possible love. Yes love. Most of the time that’s what we were after then, finding that perfect someone. But perfect is such a demanding role that quite often lead to the death of romance. Flaws were found, lies were told, mysteries were solved, and chapters ended in the sad demise of love found and lost again. Romance, the adventure of love, got to be a lot of work.
Somewhere in those adventures you begin to realize that love takes real, daily work, and a healthy dose of kindness and grace to be accomplished. So then you have to figure out who you can regularly do this with. Who will make butterflies flock to your belly? Who will cause your cheek to blush at the unexpected sight of them, or, better yet, still find you wanting to pinch their bum ten years later? Who will laugh with you and find humor in the day to day of life? Who will make the work of love so beautifully easy to do? I have been fortunate to find that person, and our day to day romance is sublime.
We have two beautiful children now and they have reshaped my view of romance even further. I have fallen in love with them as well, and relish the sound of their laughter, the softness of their cheeks and the magnitude of their adoration. To get a hug or kiss unsought is truly one of the sweetest gifts I can imagine. With my husband, there is now a slow burning fire in which little gestures make the largest flames. A foot rub, a snog on the couch while watching TV, chocolate slipped into a coat pocket, these are tender reminders of love. But by far and best of all, is that our bodies have grown used to each other in sleep; we are pressed close and warm in the haze of dreams and remain fully aware that home is right there in that simple blessed moment.
I love you babe….and to quote Bob, “hang on to me baby, and let’s hope that the roof stays on”…
The Best Date Ever February 11, 2008
When I was younger I was often accused of being niave. Some thought it was quaint and others thought it was dangerous. I’m here to say that my naivete lingers and I’m calling it stupid.
Case in point: Cloverfield. To my husband’s surprise on Friday I said ,” Lets go see Cloverfield. We hardly ever go to the movies; we should see something that would be better on the big screen.” We leisurly take in dessert at a local diner, and hit the bookstore for awhile before heading over to the theater. Fueled on sugar and caffeine, I was sure I could get past the 9:45pm start time and make it through the movie with energy to spare. It felt so good to be out of the house sans kiddos. We were getting a few luxurious hours to ourselves. In the interest of full disclosure, I had been warned that the movie might be a little shaky on the filming side, but that it had also recieved good reviews. For once, in a loooooong time, I didn’t do my own research. Read: stupid, stupid, stupid decision.
We sit towards the back in a smallish theater. We watch twenty-five minutes of previews, and settle in for a supposed thrill ride. Within the first 10 minutes I’m starting to feel ill. I look away now and again at the floor or the wall trying to right my spinning brain. Within thirty minutes, I’ve resorted to closing my eyes for long periods of time, but even the light and dark stroble light effect of the hand held camera across my eyelids is making me ill. Kiel says, “We can go if it’s too much for you.” I shrug, “No, I’m okay, I’ll be fine.” Twenty minutes after that I’m leaning forward in my seat, my head between my knees. I’m salivating. I periodically try viewing this mess of a movie through the tiny slits my fingers make while pressed against my face. I look away. Look back. Look away. Look back, look away again. I put my head on Kiel’s shoulder and moan just a little. He says, ” We can go, really.” (I’m thinking, we paid $18 to see this stupid movie and I’m going to sit through it if it kills me….I have a hat here, I can puke in my hat if I can’t make it out the door…there’s only one guy at the end of the row, I would probably make it past him at least….keep the hat…the hat’s the thing.) My eyes have been closed for about 2 minutes now. Kiel asks after me again and I say through a controlled breath, “I’m watching it with my ears; I’m okay.” I’m so hot I can hardly stand it. My saliva is my new companion. (I can’t even watch through my eyelids now; I’ve got to get out of here.) Kiel is practically begging me to go. I have stopped caring what happens to these rediculous people. I hope they all get bitten and explode into a million peices while my ‘be thrifty’ mentality is still saying, eighteen dollars, eighteen dollars! I hold my head. Something slowly starts moving up my chest, my pulse if gets faster…”Okay! Okay, yes, we should go..is that okay with you?” I say to him. We do in fact leave. Victims number four and five for that evening.
I sit outside the theater for 5 minutes just breathing. We walk to the exit. Kiel is worried about me , but I’m not as green as I feel and am sure I’ll be fine. He gets two passes for another movie from the concessions guy which makea me feel better. We get outside and the -4 degree weather feels wonderful. At the car, I dry heave off the bumper for a few minutes, then warily get inside. Seatbelts on, car warming up, Kiel turns to me and says with a smile “This is the best date ever!”
It will be one of our most memorable for sure.
For the record: it was my choice, I am still a bit naive, and yes, dessert stayed down.
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