Mulligan? November 6, 2008

There are some days that you just can’t predict. Today started just fine.  The boys are slept in and the coffee was perfect.  We made it to Costco without incident and Lucas even laughed when went through the car wash before heading home. (All previous attempts at car wash activity were mommy lessons in how to terrify a baby, so today was a pleasant surprise.)  I started the bread dough and David and I had fun doing his Cars puzzle while Lucas napped. When he woke up, we all had an apple snack and watched the Jetson’s together.  So you see, when I went up to check the dough and start on dinner I had no idea what the next two hours would bring. 

Sure, this Diva can tackle dinner, bread and homemade graham crackers in one fell swoop.  Sigh.  She could if she had done the dinner recipe before…but no, today was a good day to try to break out of the dinner rut and make Pad Thai.  Yeah.  After following the recipe exactly, (the Diva can do that) what ended up in the wok was nothing that tasted like Pad Thai.  OK, she thought, let’s try an salvage this…10 minutes later after a near meltdown in the kitchen, we are all seated at the table staring at gooey noodle glop, and not saying a word about it.  I made the kids eat a few of the veggies and then turned it in for cereal.  A smart Diva knows when to call it in. 

Kiel graciously bugged out for work and I started in on the baking/cleaning juggling act in the kitchen.  A few minutes later, my ears hear the overly joyful glee of baby and boy giggles coming from the living room.  A glance up from the counter reveals blue chalk all over the wall as Lucas demonstrates his ability to draw vertical lines, and David admires his brother’s handiwork. The Diva, who was quickly unravelling, took the chalk from his little hand gave a stern admonishment, and walked away before anyone cried.   

Ten minutes later I tried to salvage the graham cracker idea by letting David help push in the cookie cutters….all the while going through her deep breathing/mantra whispering ritual several times, as he wanted to just go willy-nilly over the dough.  (Breath. “Keep it fun.”  Breath. “Stop controlling him so much.” Breath. “We are almost done.” Breath.)  Whew!  Finally, frosting covered graham crackers keep the boys busy while clean up is finished up.  And wouldn’t you know, one of my angels wiped down the wall for me without being asked, and the other one had a rare night of not crying when I put him to bed. So, even when the unexpected happens, if you roll just right, you may find that there is grace even in the small things.  And if you don’t roll just right, there’s always tomorrow.

Sabbatical July 4, 2008

Sabbatical as defined by Webster’s is: “A period of rest that occurs in regular cycles.” Originally referencing the seven year interval of rest in which Hebrew law required land to go unplanted and the forgiveness of unpaid debts, sabbatical as we think of it now, often means a year long break from professional duties.* Well, this mommy can’t take a year off, but I did allow myself to let some thing go untended for the last month….this blog, my running schedule, library story time, and to some extent, the endless housework.

A combination of flying solo the first two weeks in June while Kiel was in Fairbanks and the return of dad into our 24/7 life spurred this mini-vacay from our routine. I put out the ultimatum this week though, that things had to get back on course for the sanity of all involved-particularly, me.

Flying solo went well this year. The boys and I had fun on play dates, going to the zoo, and biking to our local parks. Oh, and we played a lot of Frisbee golf. David, I am proud to say vastly improved his throw during the 2 weeks dad was gone. He now says that, “Frisbee golf is one of my favorite places to go!” I was able to improve enough to play two of my best games ever when Kiel came back, scoring my first 3 over par on our local course, which is 2-3 strokes off of my average. The women’s record is 2 under par, so I have a ways to go. I figure if I can par it, then I’ll enter competitive play.

Kiel’s return from Fairbanks was met with delight all around. The boys missed him a lot this year, and I did too towards the end. I like my quiet time in the evenings to be sure, but it is nice to have someone to share that with too. After a week of daily home life, Kiel looked across the dinner table and declared this profound revelation, “It’s really hard to plan activities when Lucas takes two naps a day.” The welcome-to-my-life look he received prompted this follow up response, “Oh. You probably already knew that. I feel a blog coming on about this already.” His second revelation came yesterday after lunch:

“So, what’s on the schedule for the rest of the day. We already went to the library, what should we do next?”

“Well, Honey, sometimes we do this thing called clean-up-the-house. Once Lucas is down, I play a game with David, then I clean something afterwards. There is laundry, dishes, bathrooms, garage…”

“Oh. Yeah. Okay.”

Oh, the joys of having someone else experience your life for awhile.

It’s all good, and by the end of summer, I predict he’ll be glad to get back to work. Right now though, we are really enjoying watching our boys grow.

David is reading well enough to pick up new books and read them outright, as well as real world reading when we are out and about. He is also getting better at using manners unprompted, trying new things, and exploring his social side at the playground. Lucas is running and climbing and trying to do everything his brother does. He is sleeping better, learning to self feed, and acquiring new skills all the time. Lucas has already entered the tantrum stage-so we are dealing with that a little earlier than expected. He’s always been an opinionated kid and I fully expected to be having some battles, just not quite this early. We’ll get through.

My good friend Karen was up to visit her family and stayed a night with us early last month. Tekle and Ikenna will be coming in the next two weeks, and Liz and her girls will be here at the same time. (It’s nice to have friends whose parents still live here!) It will be great to see them all and have the kids get re-acquainted. The yard looks great, the flowers are finally blooming a bit and if we could eek out a bit more sun, we might get strawberries and look a little less pasty in another two weeks. Sweet!

* Websters New World Dictionary, Second Edition, 1986, pg. 1250

Magic Bullets II June 4, 2008

One of the things I like best about being a Domestic Diva is that you can wield awesome power phrases like “New Rule” and “It’s Tradition” at will. Having these two phrases in your daily arsenal is like having John Wayne and Clint Eastwood getting your back. You don’t mess with the Diva when she’s whipping these babies out. Once in awhile, I give my husband a head’s up before instituting a New Rule, and if I’m feeling really good, he gets a choice of options, for a New Tradition. Once, he tried to make his own New Rule and I laughed out loud at his lack of vocal conviction and fortitude. You don’t pull these bad boys out unless you can stand behind them.

When I left the workforce as a full time drone, I discovered the power of instituting “New Rules”. I think I was mostly trying to come to grips with my new 24/7 reality, where previously, rules might be suggested and not really enforced. As the first few months shaped my inner Diva I often found myself increasing my vocal range as I lectured the fam: “New Rule: We always rinse our ice cream bowls! New Rule: We don’t scream with delight while running down the hallway in our underpants until after 8am! New Rule: If either one of us hasn’t showered in the last day…forget about it!” It worked. NR’s wer my new BFF’s. Three years later, I can honestly say that the quantity of NR’s has decreased, though I have had to revisit a few of them: “Um, remember the rule about mommy needing coffee before anyone speaks in the morning?” I’d like to think that my family has finally recognized my supreme Diva wisdom; what’s more likely though, is that they behave so that the Crazy Diva stays on vacation.

“It’s Tradition!” (BTW, this must be said with the most perky voice you can muster) is another great tool afforded to the Diva. I’m not talking about being traditional in a red plaid sort of way, but of introducing those lovely get out of jail Diva gems called family traditions. In our house, we have one that is firmly entrenched: Popcorn Sunday’s. This means that every Sunday we have popcorn for dinner. Lots of it. I carry this one over from my mom. Her mom had Sandwich Sunday’s. Can you see the beauty of either one? Because I think that pizza should be it’s own food group, I’m slowly sneaking in Pizza Saturday’s (also from dear ol‘ mom). And the other one I declared this year is: Frisbee Golf Mother’s Day, in which no one has to get dressed up, eat out, wait in line, or fight over jello salad at the buffet. I’d love nothing more than a deserted course, my family, and nine baskets of fun for Mother’s day. (Okay boys, this Diva is sending a big hint your way….) What traditions do for me is get rid of the meal planning, event planning, and day to day life planning that I endlessly do. Traditions also help moderate expectations and are great for creating consistency, which means this Diva doesn’t have to contingency plan either. Score!

Now, I’m a gal that works well with rules. I like things defined and orderly and so all of the above works for me. It wouldn’t however, unless I tempered it all with a healthy dose of love. I think me and the fam are on to bigger and better things, but I’ll retain users privleges on these babies for awhile yet. After all, A Diva is not a Diva without a few magic bullets up her sleeve.

Costco take me away… April 9, 2008

A few years ago I said, “Calgon, take me away!” to an early twentysomething during a particularly harried day at work. Miss Perky just gave me a blank look. “You don’t know Calgon? You know, the bath stuff from the TV commercial” I said, rather shocked. I could see a glaze forming over her eyes as she mumbled something under her breath. “Oh….” I breathed out heavily, my heart sinking into a long sigh, “I’m old. Nevermind.”

Had I said that today, I would have received the same blank stare from my son that I did from Miss Perky. So I whispered my soliloquised plea to the empathetic audience that can always be found somewhere in the vicinity of my kitchen sink. They are kind enough to listen to me during my weighty, mother-gone-wild moments. This scene took place before I went to Little Gym with David, and came home and realized that my shirt was inside out the whole time and that my hair was doing a Medusa impression against my will. Well, I immediately found two giant hair clips and twisted the rogue curls into submission, turned the shirt right side out, took one more look at the dirt on the floor that I had recently vacuumed, and decided that Costco would be my Calgon today.

I love Cotsco. I love that the aisles go almost to the ceiling. I love that I can buy clothes, fruit, tires, fresh bread, a sofa, and a 42′ plasma TV all at one place. I love the good deals, the name brands, and the customer service. Costco is truly my Calgon. I can take a deep breath, go in, look around, and maybe not even buy anything and feel better. It’s great for the kids because there is so much to look at for Lucas, and David can’t really get hurt, and there is almost always free food to be had. I’m not seeking retail therapy when I go, besides, it’s not even true retail therapy. No one dreams that buying toilet paper will make them feel better. I generally don’t buy things that we don’t need, and even today, I was good about not buying the nice-to-haves. ( I really do need the wrinkle serum-and it’s on sale this month anyway!) I stuck to the list, used my coupons, and for an hour didn’t have to hear any crying, or whining, and I didn’t have to employ any mediation, facilitation or entertainment skills for my children. Sure, I could have waited for Kiel to come home and locked myself in the bathroom for an hour. But I would have felt bad about the dirty floor, the laundry waiting to be put away, and the fact that I had no idea what we were having for dinner. This way, I could ignore those things and still get something off my to-do list.

You see, Costco offers you the feeling of productivity wrapped up in an escapist moment. It’s so big that other peoples voices are drowned out. You can avoid people you know by dodging behind an endcap in papergoods or greet them with a welcome smile as if they were a value added item on your list. You can dream about that granite topped double vanity with brushed nickel hardware while munching down on some English Coastal cheddar cheese…(oh-what’s that?…GOUOOOOODA! Mmmmmm!) You can have a feel good experience about your obvious consumption, and more importantly, you can get out of your house when it’s closing in on you.

My Costco therapy session wasn’t quite long enough today because by the time I got home and saw that floor again, my blood pressure started to rise-At least I figured out what was for dinner though. Today was a long day, not a bad day, just a long day. I know there will be other better and longer lasting blissful moments and I’ll take them when they come. And when I need to, I’ll make them happen, even if it’s just an hour at Costco. Sigh…..

Catching Up March 26, 2008

whew! It’s been a long two weeks. Lots of work for my paying job, and prepping for a class I taught on ‘writing in the Nursing profession’ to some high school students yesterday. Of course, I went overboard and blabbed on for an hour instead of my allotted 30 minutes. That’s what you get when you give a smart woman (at home with two kids all day) an audience. Fortunately for me, the class is taught by a friend of Kiel’s so he was very cordial about my enthusiasm and lack of oral censorship.

Been thinking lately how it’s nice to be home with these boys. Lucas is at that age when everyday brings something new. He stands longer or “gets” something we’ve been trying to teach him, or tries something new. It’s a pretty exciting time. David is turning more towards philosophy it seems and comes up with some good reasoning now and then. Mostly it’s about how he’s bigger/faster/stronger than his brother, but he always adds a caveat: “but someday he’ll catch up to me…someday” like he’s hoping that maybe it wont come true.

I really believe that Lucas will handily overpower David in a few years. He really has this brutish force about him at times. Of course it’s all done with a smile, so it’s hard to not champion his little feats as a mother, but for both their sakes, I have started to scold Lucas when he doesn’t play nice. I think this appeals to D’s sense of fair play and it’s important for him to know that his brother will have to tow the line just like he does.

We’ve also laid laminate and started on trim work in our bedroom in the last two weeks. It went as fast as we could have hoped for given two kids in tow. It looks great, and now we are on to painting the rest of the doors, casings and trim. Starting to look at flooring for downstairs and I am daunted by the idea of tiling and have been trying to find a way out of doing that, but it seems my glimmer of hope that came in a new “loose lay” vinyl may not pan out, because I can’t really find anything I like. I dread tile. The dust, the noise, the “what are we doing/you aren’t doing that right/don’t talk to me like I’m crazy” conversations that go along with home projects newly attempted.

Kiel and I have worked out our roles in these things fairly well; which means we pretty much know where not to go with each other when patience runs thin. Every once in awhile though, we’ve got to make up for things said. The worst was our block retaining wall in the back yard. Two months of digging, stacking, backfilling, replacing, seeding, etc. There were several times that we had it out and neither of us was willing to concede defeat. It was bad. Then came the rain, flooding rain, and we joined forces in a last big effort on the few rainless days, to get it done. When you have a 4×20 dirt wall being supported by plywood and 2×4′s and the rain doesn’t end-you find an inner reserve to forgive and forge on. We laugh about it now, and the yard looks great, but we both know that wall tested our relationship on several levels. Live and learn right? We have I guess as this last project went off without a hint of ‘tone’ or condescension. Tile though, may cause us to backslide…still looking for a way out. Which probably means that I leave for a few days. I know, I know, put the control freak to bed chelsea…it’s ok, really it is.

Mamalicous March 4, 2008

I am a goddess of all things domestic. (If you stay at home with kiddos, repeat that over and over until you can say it without laughing.)

Today I washed 5 loads of laundry, folded all of them, and got 2 put away. I did the dishes, swept the floor, found homes for everything under my bed and moved 8 boxes of laminate up the stairs and under the bed to “acclimate”. I played 4 games of Chutes and Ladders with David, made three meals, changed four diapers, got two boys dressed, eventually got myself dressed and my teeth brushed, but alas, no shower today. I moved the large dresser and all it’s contents into the boys room temporarily while we lay the new flooring in our room next week. I answered three personal emails, 5 work emails, made 2 work phone calls, and placed one order for medical supplies. I helped David pick up his train set and work on writing “1″ correctly. I made several trips up and down the hall with Lucas as he practiced walking, tickled both boys on various occassions for 5-10 minutes, and spent time working on hand-eye coordination with Lucas. During lunch, I listened as David discussed how “Obama was going to beat Texas, but Clinton was going to beat Ohio.” I gently reminded him that Texas and Ohio were not actually people-but he didn’t seem to get it. I owe his dad for that bit of laughter today. Later, I found the receipt for our newly broken camera, taped it to the camera box, and then checked our bank statements and took out all the garbage in the house. After dinner, I backpacked Lucas for 30 minutes while David walked with me around the church and new condo’s, then we checked the mail–returning 2 Netflix dvd’s (which I had previously reported disc problems with). I then gave the boys their baths, brushed both sets of teeth-or supervised-read 3 stories, prayed and put them to bed.

Then I had my Skinny Cow fudgepop.

After my chocorama fix, I watched TV for 20 minutes before making a pass for more laundry. I flipped between The Royal Family and Girlicious for brain veg fair. Girlicious eventually won out as watching some of the girls dance badly was more entertaining than Prince Charles in military uniform. Now, to be fair, Tyra would not call me fierce when it comes to being a domestic goddess, as it would almost be impossible for me to work out, shower, and get hair and make-up on during this kind of day. That would be fierce. I can deal; it’s only my pride and BO on the line. I am constantly humbled in this profession.

My real confession here is that my house is still not clean, I feel guilty for not reading to both boys more today, and though I did give/get a few real kisses in with Kiel, that will probably be all the action he sees tonight. Being a domestic goddess isn’t all it’s cracked up to be-don’t let any stay at home mom fleece you on that one. Showering and real sleep are luxuries that are all too fleeting. Little things like yummy hand soap and good coffee make all the difference on any given day…but, hearing David wax poetic about the upcoming democratic primaries and making Lucas laugh as I kiss his belly do make it all worth it. I may never make fierce, but I’d settle for Mamalicious every once in awhile. Hmmmm, I guess that means I better get off this blog and do some sit-ups. Man, there’s always something. Oh, I’ll do them to TMZ: one, there’s Brit, two, Brit again, three, Reese, four, Gyllenspoon, five, Tiger, six…