So, it’s been forever since my last blog post. Mostly I’ve been looking at other folks’ blogs, living life, dealing with life, and haven’t had the energy to put anything down. Sometimes I wonder at blogging at all…is there anything new to be said? I doubt it. Then I read a wonderful blog and think, it’s okay if it’s not new, sometimes just knowing that there are others out there going through the same thing is what helps a gal get through the day. In that vein, my little story begins.
My firstborn has been snubbed by his first grade boy group. They have told him two days in a row that he is no longer welcome to play with them at recess. We find this out the same day we get a slumber party invitation to one of his favorite friends house for this Saturday. Sigh. I don’t mention the birthday invitation.
What to do; what to say? The Dad and I confer. Don’t make a big deal, help him find a temporary solution, it’s likely this will blow over, kids are mean, but these are basically good kids and it’s likely they are just trying this out. We all go through this right? This is what we say to each other in our grown-up wisdom.
To him, we say…What can you do tomorrow at recess? Some kids like to try out being mean sometimes, and it will likely be fine in a few days. You are a great kid and your Kindy friends are nice boys, so hang with them instead. Don’t pester the group to get back in. Show them you can have fun without them…Some of this I think he hears, the rest is just rebounding off of a bruised heart. I let him pick what to have for dinner. I love on him a bit more. I snuggle with him this morning, making sure to get in substantial hugs and a few tickles to get the good endorphins running before we get to school. We’re going to make it, I think. Then he cries in the car because he can’t get his seatbelt buckled and his hands are cold. Then he says he has a sore throat. Then I think, maybe this has been going on longer than he says. My heart breaks a little for him, and I say we’ve got to be resilient, our carefully selected vocabulary word for the day. We rehearse the plan. I finally get him to laugh on the ride to school.
Big Sigh. There’s been a lot of sighs between last night and this morning. I can’t navigate this for him. I can’t make it better. I can’t hand him a thick skin and say, 20 years from now this wont matter a lick, because I know it will matter, even if I don’t want it to.
School: He plays with a favored Kindy boy before class. He is barely smiling. He’s trying to not fret about the other boys. I see this. His teacher gets mad at him for forgetting a project. I say, I’ll bring it, we didn’t know. (I’ve been gone for a week- things slip by.) I say to her, he had a rough day yesterday, we only made him do math homework. She tells me he cried in class last Tuesday. This I didn’t know. She said it was because he missed me. (Whammo! to my heart.) I say, well, it might have been something else too. (I hadn’t planned on telling her anything.) She says, I need to know if something is going on. So, I briefly tell what I know and say, we’re just trying to let it blow over and are encouraging expanding the friend network. She says, I have to talk about this a lot. It’s good for me to know as there is a fine line between being normal and being mean. My eyes have watered up which makes me realize I hurt more for him than I thought. Oh kiddo. I’m sorry, my heart says…and he can’t hear it.
The Dad and I are not perfect parents. We can’t always protect him. He will have to navigate this one mostly on his own. I read advice columns for half and hour after dropping him off. I pick up a few tips. I know though, that the best thing I can do is be there to listen, to encourage problem solving, and to love on him. I’m not mad at the boys who have hurt him. They are navigating too. I don’t know their side, and like I told David, friendship can be complicated sometimes. Life is not always easy. He’ll be okay. I know this. He is a sensitive kid. I know this too. I am reminded of something I said at my grandfather’s memorial service last week: He loved by being present. That is perhaps the best of myself that I can give to David: to be present when he needs me, and to teach him that even when he doesn’t, I’m still there. Always and forever.
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